Tänne olen kerännyt parhaat, hauskimmat ja mainioimmat siteeraukset jaksoista. Sellainen on sivujen haltijan valta, että saa itse objektiivisesti valita ne huiput. Johan tässä alkaa valta ja vastuu nousta hattuun.

Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? (Conflict Resolution)
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Jan: You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.
Michael: No reason?! It was the 05 05 05 party...
Jan: And you had a luau....
Michael: ...it happens once every billion years.
Jan: And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money.
Michael: Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N.
Jan: Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense.
Michael: Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage. (The Dundies)
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Pam: I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January. (The Carpet)
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Michael: Yes. Actually, I have. I have been on a hunting trip. I shot a deer in the leg. I had to... I had to hit him, I had to hit him with a shovel for about an hour, so he... That's good eating, though. Venison's very gamey. It's hard to watch, though. It's hard to... It's hard to hit another living thing in the face with a shovel for about an hour. That... I haven't been hunting since then. I, I... 'Cause that's, you know, where's the joy in that? Where's the... There's no sport, really. Especially when you're the one with the shovel. And they're the one just lying there. Um... I would have rather hit it with my car or something and just... I was just smacking the hell out of that thing. That was a mess. And we just left him there. I didn't eat it. I didn't want to eat that. That guy. Why do you ask?(Halloween, poistettu kohtaus)
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Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: Oh, yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael: God, Stanley, that's frickin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? Sorry.
Stanley: Oh, no, that's ok. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact. (Performance Review)
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Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! (Business School)
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Michael: Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin... um, it's pretty scary. And I'm thinking that uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it. (Michael´s Birthday)
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Pam: Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt. (Casino Night)
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Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying? (Cocktails)
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Liquor Store Clerk: It comes to $166.41.
Michael: All right, now, you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
Liquor Store Clerk: Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it. (Christmas Party)
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Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.(The Injury)
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Michael: Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And... I have a great one [types]. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at. (Take Your Daughter to Work Day)
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Jim: This came out really well. [picks up Dwight's I.D. from the lamenting machine and hands it to Dwight] There you go.
Dwight: This is humongous. I am not a security threat...
Jim: Oh.
Dwight: And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'.
Jim: What did I write? (Conflict Resolution)
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Michael: Whoa. What are those stains?
Dwight: Blood, urine, or semen.
Michael: Oh, God, I hope it's urine. (The Convention)
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Ryan: Well, I was a Temp but I got promoted. So, um... the compensation is a lot more competitive.
Kelly's Mom: So you're saving money...
Ryan: Yes.
Kelly's Mom: ...to start a family and home.
Ryan: Oh, um... or travel. And, um... and buy an Xbox. (Diwali)
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Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win. (The Return)
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Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires. But I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog. (Business School)
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Michael: Attention, everyone! Hello! Ah, yes! I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out... we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include 'That's What She Said'?
Michael: Mmmhmm. Yes.
Jim: Wow! That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so... (Sexual Harassment)
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Dwight: Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule. (Drug Testing)
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Dwight: Have you ever taken any illegal drugs?
Oscar: No, I have not.
Dwight: Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs in your system without you knowing about it?
Oscar: What are you implying?
Dwight: Have you ever... pooped... a balloon?
Oscar: Okay. I'm done with this.
Dwight: He sure left in a hurry. (Drug Testing)
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Pam: Wow! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that. (Drug Testing)
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Michael: Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life. (Ben Franklin)
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Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania. (Ben Franklin)
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Jim: No, you're making this up!
Pam: Would I make that up?
Jim: Yes. Fancy New Beesley would make that up. New apartment, new stories.
Pam: Oh, yeah, in my fancy new apartment. I have one bedroom, one bathroom, and a closet.
Jim: And how many kitchens?
Pam: I have one kitchen.
Jim: Wow, you got totally taken for a ride Beesley. (Initiation)
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Jan: What's this over the "i"?
Michael: It's a heart. (Cocktails)
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Phyllis: Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive.(The Return)
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Jim: Hi.
Pam: Hey. (Drug Testing)
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Michael: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can. (The Secret)
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Dwight: I'm temporarily lifting the shun.
Andy: Thank you.
Dwight: It means nothing. I need you to do something for me.
Andy: Anything.
Dwight: Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle.
Andy: You mean a moon bounce.
Dwight: What do you think? You've got an hour.
Andy: I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need petty cash.
Dwight: Shunning resumed.
Andy: Do you, do you want a drawbridge?
Dwight: Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun.(Safety Training)
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Michael: I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like? (A Benihana Christmas)
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Dwight: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But, if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most. (Halloween)
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